Pernah tengok Gilmore Girls?
Gilmore Girls is an American dramedy television series about a single mom, Lorelai Gilmore n her daughter Rory. Lorelai came from a prominent family, got pregnant when she was 16 and went estranged with her parents. She moved to a small town, Stars Hollow in Connecticut and raised her daughter there. She never got married and raised Rory all by herself with the help of her friends n neighbours in Stars Hollow. She n Rory has a bond that is more than mother-daughter. They were best friends. They shared everything with each other n spent most of their time together.
That is how my bond with Thira is. We are more than mother and daughter. We are best friends. We hang out together, we shop together, we gossip, we fight, we laugh, we do everything together. She is my life. She is my everything. We are the real life Gilmore Girls.
In the Gilmore Girls, Lorelai never got married, not until Rory was an adult. There was simply no space between them for another person to fit in. They were a tight duo. She dated but never saw the need to have a husband. But when Rory left for college, the urge came. The space is there to let someone in. But still she couldn't settle down n commit herself to a marriage. Lucky for her, Rory went to Yale which was only about 30 minutes from home so they saw each other every week. After a long hiatus, she finally settled down with Luke, Stars Hollow diner's owner n they stayed together for nearly 10 years before they got married when Rory was 32.
Similar to my position, there was simply no space. My priority is of coz raising Thira to the best of my ability n to ensure that she gets the best of everything. The need is there but somehow nothing ever came through. I envy people who find a replacement after a year or so of their divorce. It has been exactly 10 years for me since my divorce in July 2009. Maybe Allah feels that it is not time yet for me. Allah wants me to focus on my only child to see her through school and into tertiary education. Marrying again will mean that i have to divide my time and attention between her and my new husband. She would have felt neglected and left out coz it has always been only me n her since she was little.
Thira is leaving the nest next year. How am i to survive without her? Am i strong enough to handle my emotions and the feeling of missing her? I feel that i'm losing my best friend. I'm dreading the moment that is happening about a year from now. The space will be there so will there a person to fill in the space? I pray Allah will answer all my prayers.
Allah is indeed the best planner.
Kepada jodoh saya di luar sana, tunggu ye. Mungkin Allah sedang merancang sesuatu yang terbaik dan terindah untuk kita. Saya akan sabar menunggu. Kalau bukan di dunia ini, mungkin kita akan disatukan di sana nanti. See you soon LYTHFO! InsyaAllah.
Hanya kami yang tahu.
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